Almost everybody who is in a relationship is facing one or the other type of relationship issues these days. And these problems pertaining to relationships have only been increasing with every passing day. If we ask you what a bad relationship is, what would your answer be? We think your answer could be along the lines of – a relationship where a partner has cheated, abused, not been affectionate or expressive, right? This is all we know about bad relationships.
When we talk about the dark sides of relationships, it’s an underworld which can never be understood by someone until they have experienced it themselves. It’s horrifying. And you’ll agree with us after reading the story given below. This is the story of Aditi (name has been changed) and how she chose to be a part of a relationship being well aware of the fact that it was one of the most toxic things in her life. Let’s take a look at it.
I Loved Him, I Think He Loved Me Too
Rahul and I knew each other since the time we came on this planet. Yes, you read that right! He is just a week older than me. Our mothers gave birth to us in the same hospital, and that’s where our parents met and became friends. I grew up with him, quite literally. But, yes, we didn’t have the bro-sis bond, at all. We had been planting a peck on each other’s faces since our nursery days, and when we crossed the innocent days of childhood, it went from little pecks to the stage of making love.
So, did I love him? Yes, I did. Was I his girlfriend? Umm no, I wasn’t, and it still hurts me every time I say it. We shared the best memories of life with each other. Be it our first walk, our first swim, our first day at school, even our first road trip. We went to school together. In fact, I remember I fought with a boy from our class because he tried to hit Rahul. I was always there for him. And well, he was almost there for me too.
Then came college. I could see how he managed to keep our special bond unofficial in front of everybody, and went on to make many official girlfriends in front of me. But none of them lasted. It would last for a maximum of three months. And every time he broke up with his girlfriend, I’d secretly feel happy and hope that maybe now he would understand that I’m the one for him and that he’s not doing the right thing by making me wait for so long. Every time I asked him why he didn’t consider me as his girlfriend, he’d say, “You’re precious, baby. You’re much more than that for me.” And that’s when I would think, “I think he loves me too.”
I Was His Constant Addiction And He Was Mine
There came a time in life when I knew I wasn’t wanted by him. I wanted to break it off with him in every way. But I didn’t have the courage to do it. I wanted him to do it and waited patiently for him to take that step. I understood that I was his default rebound after every official relationship of his fell apart.
I was in it because of love, I still wonder what he felt about me. Him being unclear about the nature of his feelings about me made me enter a dark street on the sides of which I could see various kinds of sorrows parked, waiting for me. I was foolish as well. I didn’t have the ability to draw any boundaries in this relationship that I had kind of fallen deep into. I remember numerous instances wherein I found myself biting my tongue just to ensure that I wouldn’t end up arguing with him. I was scared he’d abandon me. My entire life revolved around him. I remember texting my closest friend about how I kept wishing that he’ll get tired of me and that it was the only way I saw this ending.
The Start Of My Healing Process
Let me tell you that it was when I turned 25 that I decided to heal myself. I realized how I had lost my self-worth in this toxic relationship. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror and feel happy about myself. Every single nerve of mine that was connected to my heart was screaming at how I’d put them all through torture just because I couldn’t gather the strength to live alone. I had a beautiful career awaiting me. I thought that making him love me for real will reaffirm my worth in my own eyes. It was wrong of me to think that.
I applied for a scholarship at Cardiff University for my masters, and amazingly, I even got through. I left him, left my 25 years of memories and moved to a different country and restarted my life.
I am happy now. I couldn’t be happier. I love me!