If you’ve just been dumped, you know pain.
It’s like a root canal that’s been done on your heart and emotions. This complex misery combines notes of betrayal, abandonment, and loneliness.
You desperately want to know what to do.
The intensity of the internal suffering causes most people to have a fight or flight type of response to the person who has broken up with them.
Such a response is usually to try to pull that person back through any means necessary, no matter how desperate or irrational.
If someone who was in a romantic relationship with you no longer wants to be in that relationship, understanding how to possibly get them to reconsider is key.
So often people respond to being dumped by begging or pleading for the other person to stay.
The problem with that approach is that it does nothing to cause the other person to actually want to.
Begging and pleading for them to stay is purely a selfish proposal. The begging person is basically saying, “Stay because I want you to.”
Unfortunately, wanting the other person to desire to stay doesn’t make it happen or contribute to it happening.
It’s not something that you can talk them into.
Responding with crying, anger, and/or begging pushes them further away because it basically amounts to emotional blackmail.
Though you probably don’t realize it, you are attempting to get them to do something they don’t want to do just because you want them to do it.
Though you don’t realize it because of the pain, the response of begging, pleading, crying, etc., is a lot like a child begging a parent for a toy.
The parent says, “No,” but the child continues pleading, crying, and even pitching a fit.
Some parents give in in order to spare themselves from the annoyance of the child.
If your soon-to-be ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend tells you they want to break up with you but after you cry, beg, plead, and pitch a fit, decides to take you back, do you really believe it was because they wanted to?
Or was it to stop your annoying behavior? Or even to temporarily appease their guilt for hurting you?
If the person you love agrees to come back to you because you have begged and pleaded, it’s not a real reconciliation.
Their mind wasn’t changed and they didn’t have a change of heart either.
The sad reality is, they are likely just going to form a better exit strategy.
Maybe this time they won’t tell you in person but send a text instead and ignore completely any response you make.
Or maybe they will simply ghost you, meaning that you won’t get any kind of response from them at all going forward. They will just disappear.
Those things are likely.
You Must Let Go:
It will be difficult and painful, but if you want the best chance of your ex wanting to come back to you, you have got to let them go.
That means you do not attempt to contact them.
You don’t ask them, “Are you ready to come back?” And you don’t point out to them that you have grown, improved, or changed.
Anything like that will be seen as an attempt to talk them out of the breakup and to get them back.
At this point, the desire to reunite must come from within them or they will not trust it – even if you make a good point. Read more about the no contact rule.
Your absence combined with your personal improvement will NOT go unnoticed.
Your ex will very likely start to wonder why you haven’t reached out to them. This will cause feelings of curiosity.
They will wonder what you are doing and who you are doing it with.
There are many paths your ex’s mind can take, but one possibility is that they will fear they have lost you!
This is one of many feelings that they will experience when the breakup is truly experienced.
Let them get to that point and the chance is good that they will come back to you. Expect this to take some time.
Your ex might want you back for a long time before they actually do anything about it, especially if you reacted poorly to the news of being dumped.
Bet on yourself and that your absence will be something that will allow them to see what they have lost.
In that way, you flip the tables on them and they feel the separation anxiety, hurt, and loss that you felt when you were dumped.
Stay calm and follow the guidance of this article to have the best chance of getting your ex back for the long term.
Written By: David Ekpobio