I’m sure we’re all guilty of bad dating habits, but there are those who find desperate dating behavior hard to shake. What most don’t realize is that these behaviors are what likely break your chances of a meaningful relationship.
Coming from someone who is guilty of more than one of these fairly common dating habits, they are widely defined as relationship insecurity, self sabotage and seeming desperate for any relationship. It’s important that we stop letting these negative dating habits take over our love lives and chances at finding that great Love.
DESTRUCTIVE DATING HABITS
YOU NEED TO ELIMINATE FROM YOUR LIFE
RUSHING INTO MILESTONES (OR FORCING THEM)
We all should know what milestones are – these can be as minute as sleeping over one another’s place to moving in together.
There’s a right time in each of your lives for these milestones. Sure, if both your morals revolve around being big on family, and the meeting of one another’s parents is entirely mutual early on – by all means. Otherwise, there’s no reason to push larger steps on one another immediately following the first date, or forcing these steps to happen with someone who barely makes an effort in the relationship as it is.
Even if you’re not anticipating these milestones – rushing also includes bringing them up in conversation. I understand it is likely normal to engage in and around topics about each of your 5 year plans, but letting him in on when you’d like to be married or giving birth to your first child very early on is unnecessary. This can also lead him to feeling pressured in the relationship.
Go with the flow, and these milestones should have natural progression.
REFERENCING YOUR SEXUAL PAST
Granted, it might be quite common to have discussions about sexual experience or motives (say, if you’re only looking for a casual, sexual-based thing). That is all depending on the type of relationship being formed, and the people in it.
I, for one, was very much turned off if a guy brought sex or his sexual past into conversation early on, let alone on a first date. Maybe it’s not exactly the same for men (with an extreme capacity of separating logic from emotions) – when given the opportunity, they’re likely willing to engage. But in terms of someone looking for a relationship, they’re not really going to be vamped up to hear about what you can do in the bedroom or whom you’ve done it with.
CONSTANTLY NEEDING VALIDATION OR REASSURANCE
How many times will it take for you to grasp that you are beautiful – inside and out? That you are worthy and he is so incredibly smitten to be with you?
I understand the sweet talk, the need for affirmation but there is a huge difference between asking for it out of insecurity and a need in which makes you feel Loved.
Granted, there’s no need to beat yourself up if you ask occasionally, “Do I look good in this dress?, but constantly doubting your physical appearance in his eyes or where he is emotionally in the relationship is too far. If he’s really into you he will already make you feel validated.
BEING POSSESSIVE OF HIS TIME OR SCHEDULE
texting him merely all morning and into the afternoon (when you know he’s working), just to turn around and ask him not even 30 minutes later, “What are you up to now?” Or to the person who asks him what he is doing the rest of his week, what his day-to-day work schedule is, or tying up loose ends on his days off in order for you to see him, all the while you are together at that very moment.
Talk it up all you want – “I’m showing interest in his life”, or “It’s conversation – I’m not asking him to give up anything” – you know what you are doing. And in fact – you are asking without actually asking, or rather you are guilt-tripping him into letting you in on his personal life. He may begin to feel smothered – it wouldn’t be much surprise if he was to pull away.
I may be the one overreacting here, but who’s overreacting when he coughs up his “plans“, and none of them currently involve you.
There’s a better way of going about it if you’re looking to squeeze yourself into his schedule.
Don’t stick your nose where you don’t want to smell it – is all I am saying – because it will turn around and snip back at you. Focus on your own schedule, your own life – if he is worthy of your time, and you worthy of his, he will make sure you are in it.
WAY TOO OPEN OR WILLINGLY AVAILABLE FOR HIS TIME
Same goes the other way around. Mind you, there is nothing wrong with a little measly conversation regarding each other’s endeavors for the upcoming weekend. All in moderation – moderation, moderation, moderation!
But if you already had that boy-band concert planned with the girls on Saturday night, and he happens to ask you to dinner that afternoon – don’t cancel with the girls to appease him last minute.
And with that – don’t cave that your week, or next month, is current wide open like the sea (even if you’re plan is to lounge around in your pajamas after work every single night). Please, don’t. Let him believe you have a life, at least.
Someone with true intentions of a relationship will respect that you have one, and that you commit to time for yourself, friends, family or even your dog. Hell, I remember turning down dates because I had planned to take my precious baby to the dog park! No way was I giving that up for a last minute date.